The translation of the text is: «Why marriage is not the end, but the beginning of the trials of love»

Zoë Kravitz was spotted in New York on Sunday, holding a fresh bouquet from Harry Styles, with a sparkle on her finger and a soft smile. The internet went wild. Reports suggest that wedding plans are already starting to leak: venues, guest lists—the fairytale machine is already in motion.

Sweet, isn’t it?

But here’s what no one tells them. An engagement is not the finish line of love. It’s the starting signal for the most nerve-wracking and stressful chapter that the couple will ever experience. The flowers in her hands are beautiful, but the next six months will be a stress test that even the strongest couples don’t pass without difficulties.

And I say this as someone whose Tuesdays are usually filled with couples sitting on my couch, unhappy, six months before their wedding.

People assume that an engagement means you’ve reached a goal. The connection is established. You should feel safe, confident, and calm.

But that assumption is the problem.

When you hit your milestones and plan a beautiful wedding, there’s an unconscious expectation that life should now feel successful. The more expectations there are that everything will be fine and you will feel connected, the greater the pain when something goes wrong. Your sensitivity to wounds increases, rather than decreases.

Now imagine this for two people in the goldfish bowl of celebrity, with paparazzi tracking the bouquet delivery and algorithms monitoring every micro-emotion.

Every wedding planning decision becomes a minefield for attachment. You think you’re choosing napkin colors and arguing over the guest list. In reality, you’re constantly checking two questions that every human nerve ending asks in the background: «Are you here for me?» and «Am I good enough for you?»

When the stakes are this high, couples panic. And in panic, couples resort to survival strategies they learned in childhood. One partner protests, insists, demands more, terrified of being abandoned or unimportant. The other withdraws, becomes indifferent, solves problems from a distance, afraid of appearing disappointing.

In the end, they dance the same exhausting dance. They think they’re arguing about catering, but in reality, it’s two nervous systems that can’t calm each other down.

This is what I see almost every week. A couple comes to me six months before their wedding. On paper, they have everything. In reality, they can barely look at each other.

One partner shares vulnerability: «I feel disconnected. I’m overwhelmed by all of this». The success-driven partner immediately shifts into problem-solving mode: «Okay, let’s look at the schedule, I’ll handle the venue, problem solved». The vulnerable partner doesn’t feel that the problem is solved. They feel rejected, like a task on a to-do list.

The protesting partner often sees themselves as the «good» one, the one who is trying. Their friends support them in yoga. Magazines agree with them. They are the queen; they have a right to their needs, and those needs should be met.

Meanwhile, the other partner is stuck in their thoughts, thinking, «Don't you see that I’m really trying? I did everything I could this week, and it’s still not enough». In the end, one feels like a low priority, and the other feels inadequate.

Then they come and argue about a single rose versus a dozen.

I wish anyone who recognizes themselves in this would take a free assessment of their relationship before heading to the altar. Because the cycle I’m describing is the most common thing in the world, and the most invisible to those inside it.

Here’s what I tell these couples: «You think you’re arguing about coffee, the car, or wedding invitations. But in this conversation, one of you feels abandoned, and the other feels rejected. The topic is just a battlefield. The content is a distraction from the biological panic of feeling unloved».

If Zoë and Harry are currently arguing behind closed doors, culture will label it a «red flag». Too quickly